In praise of my children

Posted on April 23, 2012 by izzy

Hello Reader,

I would like to tell you how amazing my children are.  I am sure,  those of you who have your own children, that they are amazing too, how could they not be, with you as their parent?! But this is my blog so I will sing the praises of my babies.  I’m fully aware that I said I would write about the series “Prisoner’s Wives” in my last blog, but the time for that has gone.

So, thing 1 and thing 2.  Born just under 18 months apart, these 2 little people signify every thing that makes me carry on, that completes me.  They are my reason for getting up each morning and carrying on down the sometimes weary road.  Those that know me well say I was born to be a Mummy and it’s true, I never really leave Mummy Mode behind.  My 40 year old, 6ft4″ ex rugby player boss sneezed today and I asked without thinking “Oh dear, do you need a tissue poppet?” to a raised eyebrown and a “No thank you, I think I can blow my own nose” But I think that’s true of all parents, once that little person has arrived into your life, they hold a piece of you that never leaves.  My mother still on occasion calls me Button – I’m pushing 33.

We decided from the start not to tell the children exactly where Daddy was, but to say he had had to go away for “work” for a long time.  They have never questioned this, although I feel it’s coming with Thing 1 as his reading improves and he can see the signs that are liberally sprinkled round the prison walls.  We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.  When Himself first went to prison, Thing 1 was only just 4 and Thing 2 approaching her 3rd birthday so we felt they wouldn’t understand and it would be an uneccessary upset for them.

Thing 1 is going to be 6 later this year.  He is a gentle, serious little soul who when you know him well and he knows you, has the most wicked sense of humour.  He is very accepting of the things I ask of him and the situation of his Daddy being away.  He is clever and makes me proud every single day.  He is my precious first born. He gives the best cuddles and is great company to whatever I’m doing.  He’s as bright as a button and quietly and gently doesn’t miss a trick.

Thing 2 is the cheese to Thing 1′s chalk.  She’s the feisty, argumentative one.  Where Thing 1 is laid back, she is high maintenence :) she was brought into the world shouting and hasn’t really stopped yet.  She has the bluest eyes that look into you and say “I know you, I know your soul” She’s just turned 4 and is oh-so-ready to be at school in September and I wish the teachers luck :)   She is the “street” smart one, she doesn’t miss a trick either, but she will point it out to you almost instantly.  Her brother bides his time, waiting until you think he may not have noticed and then comes out with the insightful comments.

When these 2 little bundles arrived into this world, I never for a moment imagined bringing them up like this, with their Daddy far away.  Every day I look at them and they make me grateful for what I do have – them. Clutching their hands in mine in the mornings as we walk to the childminder’s is what gives me the strength to get through the day.  Theirs may not be a “normal” childhood but they are happy and secure and we have an amazing family around us.  Our version of normal will return, although it will not be normal as it was before.  But they are our constant, the one thing that binds us. And by God, I’m proud of them.

 

 

Posted in Child Care, Single Mother | 1 Comment

Sneaking back in the room

Posted on February 22, 2012 by izzy

Hello Reader,

Very nervous, coming back on here.  I’ve had my first taste of negative comments and it was not nice.

You may remember that some time ago, I was thrilled to be accepted onto the Mumsnet
Bloggers Network and have my pearls of wisdom (ha ha) spread to a wider
audience than boring you lot rigid. Well, it was all going well, people were reading, posting on the forum, I was making new friends both on Mumsnet and Facebook (hi Strawberry!)

I then got an email from the Blog HQ (henceforth MNBHQ) asking if I would mind
them endorsing me as “Blog of the Week” for the 2nd week in January.  I thought this was a good idea and so agreed. I was on the front page of the Blog section, with a link to here
and also got a mention in the weekly newsletter, which goes out to all subscribers to the site, whether they visit it or not.  Great, I thought, nothing like publicity.

Well, there is certainly nothing like publicity.  However, I was totally unprepared for what followed.  Whilst on the main Mumsnet site idly flicking through, I came across a thread about “Bloggers special this week” where the opening line was this “I wonder if you could tell me the reason behind endorsing/promoting a blog regarding a wife who believes
her husband, a convicted rapist, is innocent. I was quite shocked to find it in
the weekly parenting news e-mail.”

It went on and on for a bit, whilst it was discussed what sort of appalling parent
I was for allowing my children to have contact with their father “a convicted
and violent man” and people who seemingly think they had googled the case and
knew all the ins and outs.  Now the argument itself was fairly reasonable and I do appreciate that there are people out there who have had horrific things happen to them which must cause them a lot of pain.  However, in my first post on the thread I did mention that “By the way. If you don’t like the look of it – you don’t have to read it you know…” I can’t quite keep that sharpness under control…

I did not ask for it to be promoted and until that point, had been quite happily posting here and enjoying the blog network and support that MN offered. The result of the thread has been that my blog was removed from the network and that I de registered from Mumsnet itself as I didn’t feel it was a “safe” place for me anymore.  Even if I had
namechanged, I would have only have had to slip up once and give a piece of
identifying information and who’s to say it wouldn’t start all over again.  I’ve had emails from MNBHQ, which helped me make the decision to leave completely.  They were not exactly wildly apologetic and seemed embarressed to be communicating with me, a mere Gangsters moll.

So I have walked away.  I didn’t want to blog anymore at all to begin with.  I was too scared of the consequences.

But a chance meeting with an old colleague today gave me a kick up the brear end.  We bumped into each other at a bus stop and were nattering away when he looked at me, patted me on the arm and said “Keep writing, I like it” I didn’t even know he knew about Himself being in prison, let alone had picked up on my blog but on me looking at him in
shock he said he’d found it through the “people you may know” on FB, didn’t think he recognised the name and so clicked on it and realised it was me. So this post is for you MB, if you’re reading. Thank you for helping me get back on the blogging horse.

Ok, enough wittering from me for one night. I promise to be back soon.  I’ve been watching Prsioner’s Wives on BBC1 and wish to impart my thoughts to you :)

 

Posted in Child Care, Innocence, Single Mother | 1 Comment

Welcome to the New Year

Posted on January 1, 2012 by izzy

Happy New Year Reader,

Last night I had every intention of staying up to watch Jools Holland as is tradition, before creeping off to bed at midnight. However, after a full on day with the in-laws, sleep got the better of me (as, I suspect, did the white wine) and I fell asleep on the sofa shortly after Alan Carr had started, so off I went to bed at 10pm.  Ah, who’s going to see if I make it to midnight or not?

So, hello 2012.  I have no expectations of this year, other than getting through it in one piece.  This is the year where Thing 2 starts school at the same time as Himself gets to apply for his first parole attempt to be considered.  You apply 6 months in advance of the parole date, for it to be considered by the parole board, consisting of your intenral and external parole officers and other interested parties.  We hold out little hope of the date being agreed (his external parole officer seems to dislike him and it is well documented that Sex Offenders rarely get their first parole), however, if we don’t try, he definitely won’t get it.

We’ve had a very peaceful Christmas break, which I am grateful for. Full of family and the kids had a really lovely time.  They have been very lucky and got lots of lovely presents, including the new bikes which Father Christmas managed to fit on his sleigh!  I was just thankful to have family members around for company and to assist with child entertaining.

Himself sent  me several letters over Christmas (this is worth mentioning as I was staggered that the Prison Service and Royal Mail managed to get them delivered in a timely fashion) and he included in one an excerpt from the Rudyard Kipling poem “The Female of the Species”:

She can bring no more to living than the powers that make her great
As the Mother of the Infant and the Mistress of the Mate.
And when Babe and Man are lacking and she strides unclaimed to claim
Her right as femme (and baron), her equipment is the same.

She is wedded to convictions—in default of grosser ties;
Her contentions are her children, Heaven help him who denies!—
He will meet no suave discussion, but the instant, white-hot, wild,
Wakened female of the species warring as for spouse and child.

I think this is a lightly more poetic way what I usually say to people, that I am just doing my best for those I love the best.  However, I have printed this poem out and keep it by the bed.  I will fight for Him, and my children, this is my role.

Talking of fighting, WW3 seems to be erupting over the placement of a bath in the new dolls house.  Peace keeping forces are required.  Until next time, dear Reader.  Looking forward into 2012 and counting our blessings.

 

Posted in Single Mother, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Who knew?

Posted on December 16, 2011 by izzy

Well.  Here we are then.  The end of our first year.  On this evening a year ago I was quite frankly a bewildered wreck.  At 4pm, Himself was sentenced and my world fell apart.  For a while, I couldn’t think past the next hour, let alone, day, week, month.  I certainly didn’t think I’d be here, writing to you tonight.

But how far we’ve come. A whole year.  365 sleeps. God willing, only another 16 months to go before we can be together again.  Worst case, about 23 months.  Still, it’s 12 months more than I thought we could ever achieve. 

I’ve not done as much growing up in the last 20 odd years as I’ve done in the last year.  I can now repressure the boiler, bleed a radiator, strim the lawn edges, successfully erect a ladder to gain access into the loft, fly a spaceship – ok, perhaps not the last one.  All these things I know a lot of people could do at probably a much younger age but I’m still awful proud of myself.  I never expected I would NEED to learn how to do these things, I had Himself.  2011 has been an awful big learning curve, for ALL of us.  Hell, it would even appear I can parent pretty much single handedly as well!  Who knew indeed…

Unfortunately, I lost my first friend this week due to the situation we find ourselves in.  A friend I’ve known since I was 5.  She has been getting more and more distant over the last year or so, and a Christmas card arrived at the beginning of the week, with Himself’s name omitted.  So I emailed her and politely asked if there was a reason for the omission.  After a few to’s and fro’s it transpires that she pretty much thinks he commited the crime he has been convicted of, well after all, he’s been convicted hasn’t he?  Oh, and I really wasn’t considering her feelings regarding this, didn’t I know how bad it would be if her husband (IT Geek in London) was connected to “a common criminal”? To which I retorted (my grandmother once commented that I was so sharp, I might cut myself…) that the next time Himself didn’t do what he was accused of, he’d be sure to think about her… So endeth a friendship.  The sad thing is, I don’t feel sad.  I need to protect our little bubble at the moment and I don’t feel able to handle the doubters.

On the other side of this, I’ve been staggered by the supportive messages I’ve had from other friends today, congratulating us on surviving the year and telling us how much they love us.  This has given me a warm fuzzy glow :-)

So, Christmas is coming.  I took the children to see Himself today for the special Children’s Centre Family Visit.  There was loads of Christmas things to make, lots of books to read, games to play etc.  We spent a hilarious 20 minutes trying to play table tennis with Thing 1 thinking it was actual tennis and trying to smash the ball out the room and Thing 2, who could barely see over the table!  The staff had laid on party food and it was a lovely atmosphere.  Now, that sounds odd as I type that, but it was.  Everyone made an effort to be happy and the children were enchanted by it all.  Yes, I had a little weep at Himself reading “The night before Christmas” to the children but that poem makes me cry anyway. 

We face our 2nd Christmas seperated and I truly believe we are as strong as ever.  Yes, we’ve had our moments over the last year, no shocker there and I still doubt myself in the evenings, when the day finally stops and I’m alone with my thoughts.  However, our children are happy, fed and warm, we’re still here, we’re still fighting and that will do me for now.

By the way, should you wish to, you can either find me on Facebook (or Faceache as I occasionally refer to it) as Izzy Gil-Tee or on Twitter as @convictswife.

Posted in Innocence, Prison Visits, Single Mother | Leave a comment

Lone parent lurgy

Posted on November 23, 2011 by izzy

Good evening Reader,

It’s been an ok-ish sort of week.  Nothing of note in particular, just the plodding along of days, one after the other.  I’m suffering from a cold at the moment, started with a cough picked up undoubtedly at the school gate.  Thing 1′s entire class seem to have had it and he suffered from the cough last week but mine has developed  into the full works, from puffy eyes downwards.  This is where being a lone parent is tough, there’s no one to take up the slack whilst you lie on the sofa with lemsip and the duvet.  Nobody else will feed the children, run them about etc.  I know a lot of double parent families will feel the same, with one parent perhaps working long hours and as a mummy and a parent, one needs to just get on with it but boy, do I feel rotten… Early night with a hot toddy I think.

Aside from the mummy-flu, we’re all ok.  Looking forward to this weekend, where I’ve managed to swing visits on both Friday and Saturday afternoon.   Friday afternoon is the Family visit, which might give me a break for a few minutes as the children are only interested in being with Daddy and playing games / having books read.  I don’t tell them where we are going when I take them with me, right up until we get on the train, I dread the visit being cancelled for whatever reason and seeing the look on their faces as I tell them we can’t see Daddy today.  So far (thank god) this hasn’t happened yet but the thought is always there. 

Saturday I have a visit booked on my own.  2 blissful hours of just me and Himself, trying to forget there is anyone else in the room as we take the time to just “be” with each other.  It’s a time to catch up on those things a 7 minute phone call done’t allow for whilst blocking out the noise of the other visitors / officers.  To be honest, I couldn’t give 2 hoots who else was in the room, this is MY time, OUR time.  My lovely sister in law is having the children for me on Saturday, they love being with her and they all seem to have fun together :)

Other good news:  I have a new job.  It’s an internal transfer to another department but the money is better and so are the hours.  I start on Monday so keep your fingers crossed for me. It’s in somewhere I’ve worked before but not for a few years so I’m looking forward to seeing what’s new and learning the ropes again.  I first applied this time last year but the position was withdrawn as the business wasn’t great.  Things have improved and after the last few months, I felt ready to try again so here we are. 

So, not much to report for now.  I’m off to find the paracetamol.

xx

Posted in Child Care, Prison Visits, Single Mother | Leave a comment

An interesting Read

Posted on November 15, 2011 by izzy

Hello again Dear Reader,

Inspired to write again today by my current bedtime reading.  I currently curl up every night with Jeffrey Archer (draw your own conclusions there!) and his prison diary volumes.  When I told a friend of mine I was going to read them he told me I had a warped sense of humour.  He then realised I was serious :)   Well, why wouldn’t I?  Wasn’t going to throw up anything I didn’t know already was it?  Well, they have, but not in the way I expected.

  Volumes 1 & 2 I have finished in just under 2 weeks and I have now started the third and final volume.  Archer was found guilty in the summer of 2001 for perverting the cause of justice and perjury, and sentenced to 4 years, serving around 2.  Although assigned as a “D” cat prisoner (first offence and non violent / no risk of reoffence) he spent his first 3 weeks in Belmarsh, before being eventually moved to North Sea Camp Open Prison.  Although when he finished his sentence  he was in HMP Hollesley (Suffolk) the diaries finish at North Sea Camp. 

Although the diaries were written a decade ago, the changes to the prison system since then are huge.  £2 phone cards are a thing of the past, having been deemed too easy a “trade” item (no, really?) replaced with PINphones where credit is placed on the prisoners account and topped up weekly, through their “canteen” allowance.  Visitor checks / searches have been tightened up and so have the postal censors.

Likewise, prison life seems to have changed, though I cannot be sure how much is down to the fact that the prisoner in the books is a Lord, in prison for a relatively minor crime and a bit of a “celeb”.  He seems to be able to get his cell cleaned, painted and laundry done without batting an eyelid or dirtying a finger, favours such as extra bottled water, provisions and phone cards found for him at the drop of the hat, without any hint of repayment.  And yet he states on several occasions to date that he doesn’t feel he is treated any differently from the other inmates.  Well, I’m pretty sure that if Himself asked someone to do his laundry / cell cleaning for him, he’d be in the hospital wing before you could say “dustpan”. Lord Archer also states that everyone around him was well aware that he was writing these diaries so perhaps as my dear Mum suggested, it was a case of keeping ones friends close and enemies closer, as no one I expect, would want to appear in the book as a “bad sort” (no irony intended there, they were in prison, bad sorts tend to be par for the course)

So I read these diaries with a mixture of amusement and sympathy.  I can’t believe how lightly he got off with prison life, though I am sure it cannot have been easy for him.  The other comparison we must consider is that he was a “D Cat” whereas Himself is “C Cat” (low risk of escape / re offence but violent crime) so life in open prison is somewhat different.  If nothing else, I empathise with his wife and 2 (albeit grown up) sons and what they must have gone through.  They too, did not expect the sentence to be the outcome and they were the ones who faced the media and the waiting world. The sentenced prisoner, whilst they must be in hell, wondering what on earth will become of them, is somewhat cocooned from reality, it is us, the family who face the questions, the looks, having to tell those around them and await their reactions.  Thankfully the Archers, like us, seem to have had few foul weather friends (I’ve only taken one person off the Christmas Card List).

So, I suppose in conclusion, reading the books has educated me, not only on life in different category prisons (Belmarsh is a Cat A – highest risk) but of the honest and gritty day to day goings on in Her Majesty’s Prisons, whether you are a lord or a pauper.  I thank “Jeff” as he was known inside, for his diaries, for his honesty in writing them but I also know to take more than a pinch of salt whilst reading the final book.  I actually do recommend them to anyone who wants to know what prison life is like but please, when or if you do, you are welcome to borrow my salt :)

Posted in Innocence, Justice System, Prison Life, Prison Visits | Leave a comment

Whoops

Posted on November 7, 2011 by izzy

Dear Reader,

There I was in my last post, promising to write more and yet, here we are, another 2 months down the line.  My blog is being looked at by the powers that be at Mumsnet.com to see if it is good enough for me to join their blogger’s club, which is what has spurred me on to write. 

The Year anniversary of this nightmare is fast approaching (mid December) and I cannot believe I have been on my own (to all intents and purposes) for this long already.  I can promise you this, it does not get any easier.  I still hate the evenings, especially now it is dark and cold.  I can often be found in bed by 9pm, because I am bored of my own company and thoughts. 

I am going to steal from Dr Seuss, my nicknames for the childern, in order for me to define them for you.  Thing 1 and Thing 2.  Thing 1 has just completed his first week at school, not the school of my choice but the school where he was originally placed.  He has settled in very well, both his teacher and the Head have commented on how polite and lovely he is and how well he has settled.  Thing 2 seems to be under the impression that this is a conspiracy theory to seperate her from her brother and cannot wait for next ” ‘member” (September) so she can go with him. 

As for Himself, we are battling a constant downwards turn.  Nothing seems to be going well for him, not even the arrival of his much wanted PS2 (incase there are any Daily Fail readers, he has to save for this week by week from the little he is allowed until he has built up a balance to be able to afford to purchase one through the “canteen” at hugely inflated prices)  has cheered him.  I am finding it harder and harder not to be cross with him, because every letter is a moan, every phone call a nag. At times, I want to shake him, to say to him “Get a bloody grip.  This is how it’ s going to be, moping is not going to help you.  Bloody get on with it like the rest of us are” Now, I KNOW that it must be bloody terrible in there, especially when you know you didn’t commit the crime, away from everyone and everything you love, with nothing but your own time afforded to you.  But surely there comes a point when you say to yourself: Ok, yes, this sucks but I need to suck it up and move on until I can get out of here? It’s almost as if he thinks that if he has a better day, then he is giving in to the evil of “being a prisoner” – well I have news.  That’s just what you are Big Lad.  We might not agree with it, but there’s bugger all we can do.  Let’s wear our brave faces for a while until you can be home.

As I am a glutton for punishment, I have just started reading Jeffrey Archer’s prison Diary triolgy.  Just finished his diary of his time in Belmarsh during 2001 (immediately after his conviction for perjury). An interesting read, especailly for someone who has close experience of prison life. 

bedtime for Thing 1 and Thing 2 beckons… I promis my next blog will be a) more coherent and b) a little more timely.  And this time I do mean it.

Posted in Innocence, Justice System, Prison Life | Leave a comment

Getting a Grip

Posted on September 1, 2011 by izzy

Hello Reader,

Wow, a whole month since I blogged last!  I am sorry, I didn’t realise it was so long.  Life has passed by so quickly with holidays and all sorts.

The main reason for my post today is to tell you about the struggle we have had to get Himself some rubber “pen grips” to help his hand, as he suffers from arthritis, thanks to an old karate injury.   After months of visits to his Health Care team and various pills and potions, Healthcare finally let him have a much coveted “F35″ form, which allows a prisoner to purchase something not usually allowed, in this instance, pen grips.  We were very pleased to hear that he had been given this signed off form, less pleased to hear that the items were not listed in any of the mail order books he had access too.  So, off I pootle to good old Amazon (other websites are available!) and order a pack of 3, specifically designed to help those with arthritis and related problems.  I post them to Himself, with a brief note, on the same day as I post a standard letter to him.  Oddly enough, the letter showed up with Himself 2 days later, the pen grips went AWOL.  Stupidly on my part, I didn’t send them “signed for” just normal first class so I couldn’t trace them.  

So, with a visit looming, I order more and we plan for me to take them with me to the visit and ask to take them into the visit hall and hand them over.  Himself had the F35 to match them up.  What could go wrong?  Well… It was no problem getting them in, I was very upfront about the previous lot going “missing” and let them be examined (they were still in the original packaging) and then passed them to the SO (Senior Officer) together with the F35.  She quite frankly looked like I had handed her a bag of s**t and was most po-faced about accepting them.  So at the end of the visit, I asked for her name and badge number, which I was refused, being told by 2 other guards that I didn’t need to have it, I just needed to detail the visit date / time and that I had passed them to the SO, who also happened to be the Head of Security.  Whilst they were telling me this, Himself was leaving me a voicemail with her name on it :)   So I politely thanked them and left. 

The next day, when he called, I enquired as to whether he had the 3 pen grips or if I needed to start the complaint process.  “No” says our handsome hero “I have 6!”  Not only had they coughed up the 3 I had handed over, they had also “found” and coughed up the 3 I sent in!

If they had only got their heads around this in the first place…   It really is such a petty little thing but anything to have one up on you. 

The kids have had a marvellous couple of weeks away with various grandparents and I had a few days with them at the In Laws.  We were all spoilt and I came away having been wonderfully looked after and feeling like I had really had a holiday.  10 minutes back in the office soon sorted that out and it was back to the old routine.

I have now taken another close friend of Himself who lives in far flung lands and my brother who lives in Europe on a prison visit.  Both went well, though my poor brother did have to put up with the kids fighting for attention from their Daddy but I think he was ok.  As for R, he was brilliant, it was a fun happy visit and he bought wine for us on the train home :)  

At the moment, things are on an even keel.  Fingers crossed they stay that way for a while.

I promise, dear Reader, to blog again sooner than I have done before.

Posted in Prison Life, Prison Visits | 1 Comment

It’s the little victories

Posted on July 24, 2011 by izzy

Morning lovely reader,

Better week this week.  Had it’s moments but at least this weeks, the clouds have had a silver lining. 

The school appeal was unsuccessful.  Because it was based on class size, they did not feel that our case was sufficient to warrent including my son.  However, after the despair and sleepless night, I spoke to the Education Authority who confirmed that he had been moved up the waiting list to 3rd.  So, as long as either 3 kids don’t turn up in September, or those on the waiting list ahead of him reject their places, he’s in. 

The other piece of good news has arrived this morning.  Himself has rung to say that he has been moved to “enhanced” status.  In brief, when you enter the prison system, you enter on “standard” status.  This means if you work or study, you get £9.07 wages, plus a top up of £15 from your own personal account (which we top up with postal orders).  You can order from the “standard” personal effect list, such as coffee, deodarant, shampoo, basic living things plus any luxuries you can afford, such as tomato ketchup, biscuits etc. Your phone credit is also taken from this total amount plus the £1 for the tv. 

If you are good, follow the rules, behave yourself and take part in work, study etc, you may be moved up to “enhanced” such as Himself has.  This means his wages will be £11 per week, and he can now have £25 from his personal funds.  I believe there is a more extensive list of things available to save / buy from.  The biggest bonus for us though, is an extra visit a month, plus more money to put onto the phones.  That extra contact is so vital to keep us all a family.  Of course, this status is a carrot in front of the prisoner, any misdemeanor, or slip up and it’s back to standard, or even further, to basic.  Basic is where pretty much everything is removed from you, bar a radio (if you have previously built up a savings pot to buy one)

So today, we are riding a high.  Let’s enjoy it whilst it lasts.  Cling to the little victories.  Be grateful for all that we have.  I cannot close this post without feeling grateful for my little family, my children and Himself.  Such a terrible situation in Norway, so many lives cut short.  We may be seperated for now, but the seperation is only temporary.

Posted in Justice System, Prison Life | 1 Comment

I don’t like Mondays

Posted on July 18, 2011 by izzy

Good Grief, it’s Monday again!  I’m quite sure it was only monday a couple of days ago…

I have still not heard anything from HMRC, other than “your renewal is being processed”.  I know the renewal deadline is 31st July and mine was in by the end of May so am hoping very much to have some answers soon.

To make sure I don’t get bored or think my life might get any easier, I had to face the appeal panel for my sons primay school place last week.  They are trying to place him in a school which is further away from our home, in the wrong direction for my work and means we will lose our wonderful childminder.  There argument is all based on class size but my argument is that if he goes where I would like him to, I can carry on working and we can carry on living in our house, which would become at risk if I didn’t work. 

The decision is made immediately, but you are then written to, so the panel dodges any fall out from making the “wrong” decision.  I hope to have news by the end of the week…

For a change, I went to see Himself yesterday, taking with me his friend of 30 years.  First time his friend had been and I’m not sure what he made of it.  The first time you walk into a prison is hard, the first time you have to walk away from someone you love in that prison is harder.  As I mentioned last week, Himself has been in a downward mood spiral for about 10 days now and this wasn’t any better yesterday.  Thanks to his ex-wife, he is not the most trusting of souls and of course, being away from us, his mind runs riot.  So, I spent 2 hours yesterday being accused of sleeping around, not doing things he’s asked me to do, keeping things from him etc.  Where he thinks I get the time for all this is beyond me! 

I gently pointed out at one stage that I didn’t really come all that way for him to be horrid to me and that if he wanted, I would leave him and his mate to it and wait outside for the end of the visit.  No apology was forthcoming but at least the digs stopped.  Yes, his life is pretty rubbish at the moment but he seems to think I’m having a blast without him.  I hate it, my evenings are long and lonely, I get little to no adult conversation before and after work, I am responsible for pretty much everything that happens round here.  Yes, he is at the end of the phone, but only when HE chooses to be.  In an emergency, I can’t just pick up the phone and tell him, it has to wait. 

Talking of which, he’s just rung.  I had told him earlier that one of my friends was popping over tonight and that her daughter was also coming.  He has just rung again, concerned that they were coming over to help me work out how to tell him about my “other Fellow” WTF?  How I have just not lost my temper is a miracle.  Is his faith in me so low?  I’m staggered that he quite clearly thinks I’m capable of such a thing.

Ending this for now, as I no longer know what to think.

Posted in Prison Life, Prison Visits | 2 Comments